It is that time of the year again when anything that contains any sort of caffeine can be found in your home. Or to be precise, in your room, on your table or your bed (because lol who even studies on a study table?) Yes, the horror that is the exams. This is the same time when falling down the stairs and breaking your legs seems more tempting than actually sitting down to study. You may not be able to walk again for a while, but hey, at least now you have a legit reason to skip exams. And if you’re anything like me, then feel guilty about that too and overthink to unhealthy extremes about how you still have one semester’s exams pending. If this rings a bell then this should be your cue to approaching a psychiatrist.
Alternately, you can continue reading and feel worse about yourself.
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You chose unwisely.
1. A week before your first exam, reality kicks in and your brain starts panicking. But this doesn’t stop your real brain (yep, the one that is eagerly waiting for your TV shows to return because…priorities) to still spend all the available time sleeping in. Your bed mysteriously starts preparing your body for hibernation and your fifteen minute naps convert to eighteen hours of deep sleep paralysis.
2. And if that isn’t enough, you spend all of your waking time arranging books and fancy stationery with irrelevant props to click pretentious Instagram-worthy pictures because would it really be exam-time if there wasn’t any unnecessary insta-activity?
3. When that adequately freaks your friends out who frantically text you saying “bro, how much are you studying?”, you come clean and immerse yourself into a long (and redundant) conversation cribbing and complaining about just how much you’re supposed to study, only to realise later that you could’ve easily just studied instead of whining.
4. Nonetheless, knowing all your friends are equally screwed gives you unmatched satisfaction. You may fail but so will they. You know you’re in this together. *Cue high school musical “we’re all in this together” song*
5. When you do decide to get out of those layers of blankets which are thicker than the topsoil, you find the imprint of your butt on your bed because the last time you got up was back in 1832.
6. Healthy exam-time diet is a myth to you because exams become an excuse for binge-eating of the worst kind. You are what you eat starts making sense when you’ve eaten so many chips you find yourself becoming a potato.
7. Furniture beetles start their own families and welcome new generations before you even finish reading that paragraph.
8. You suddenly become the most religious person to walk this earth. God may not be able to grant you your wishes but your mom certainly is over the moon when she spots you praying. You also happen to make the most insane and unrealistic wishes where you swear you will donate all your pocket money to every holy place built.
9. Insanity really takes its course when you start fantasising about winging your paper super well and coming home to give your family the good news and being met with garlands and sweets.
10. We all know how things turn out though. *Sleeping with the book that’s been open since the printing press was founded. All bodily systems slow down while you feel your brain deteriorating.*
Now you happen to look at the time and realise how you wasted another day reading this shit while sitting on what you were expected to do. Just let that sink in.
